Einstein und Femdom

Was Einstein into femdom?

Well, I can't say for sure - but some of Einstein's quotes apply well to the ongoing discussion of what drives a person to seek the lifestyle.

"A man should look for what is, and not what he thinks should be."

Simply stated, it benefits us to remain open to the truth rather than coloring conlcusions with our personal biases. For example, in studying why man would choose to let a woman completely dominate him, there are several possibilities:

1. She reminds him of his mother, who he literally misses.

2. She fills a figurative role that he misses. Perhaps he misses the younger years when life was simpler and he could rely on a mother figure to guide him and discipline him.

3. She reminds him of another strong female he misses (sister, aunt, grandma, etc.). Again, it may be more the role he misses than the actual person.

Regardless of who or what role some men may seek to recreate, it does us no good to dismiss such motives just because they don't fit our own profile. Everyone is different, and everyone who seeks the D/s lifestyle comes from their own place in the universe. Certainly, there are common threads and similarities, but each is ultimately as unique as the person a domme reminds him of.

Another telling quote:

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a Judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."

Be careful of those who cite others as absolute authorities of truth, or who criticize others' contributions to truth. For example, some people seek to set themselves up as a judge of who is the best psychologist or psychoanalist. Be wary of those who portray themselves of holding all the truth in such an important area.

Sorting Things Out - What Makes Some Subs Tick

I try to avoid sweeping generalizations, such as "men always" or women always," because they result in inaccuracies. We are all individuals, and while there may be common threads that sub males share, each person has an individual response to the activities of the domme. An example of this is that there are types of play that some men who identify themselves as subs would refuse to engage in, despite the overall dynamic of their relationship with their domme (scat play, feeding, cuckolding, etc.).

With this in mind, one of the concepts I believe is that a submissive male is subonciously trying to recreate missing parts of the mother/son relationship, parts that society has not deemed "normal" in traditional man/woman relationships. Other "normal" parts of the mother/son and daughter/father relationships are recreated in many man/woman relationships. However, if you have sub tendencies and wonder where they come from, perhaps some of the following may shed a bit of light for you.

In a traditional mother/son relationship, the mother is part authority figure, part disciplinarian, and part object of sexual desire. The mother can be loving, kind, and gentle, yet quickly can change to be scolding, angry, and the purveyor of pain through corporal punishment (spanking, slapping, etc.), based on the behaviors of the child and the need for correction. Here we see the connection for some adult subs. The domme who changes personality and becomes stern, withholds rewards, or otherwise creates the feeling that the sub is unacceptable until he earns his way back to being lovable again may be feeding a sub's need to recreate parts of his relationship with his mother. He has done wrong, and must perform certain acts to win back her love and acceptance.

The mother also can be an object of sexual arousal for a developing adolescent male, yet sexual gratification with the mother is deemed generally unacceptable in American society. This means sexual release with the mother will never happen for most men. The various forms of chastity and orgasm denial can recreate this mother/son relationship dynamic for a man. The domme may actively seek to sexually arouse her sub and bring him to the edge of orgasm, then abruptly shut down arousing behaviors. What better way to recreate the sense of futility some men experience when they realize that sex with mom isn't going to happen?

And what's in it for the female? Why would a woman want to engage in such behaviors? I suspect that they are trying to recreate missing parts of their relationships with their fathers. Just as sexual activity with the mother is deemed unacceptable in our society, so is such activity between father and daughter. This can generate a sense of futile desire of the daughter to win and control the father's sexual behavior. By controlling her sub, the woman is satisfying the unfulfilled need to have sexual control over her father.

These are over-simplified concepts, but perhaps they provide clues to your desires for a D/s relationship. I hope you enjoy those activities if you are fortunate to find someone who has complimentary needs they are trying to satisfy - such a relationship can be very fulfilling.
But as always, I encourage you to go into any such activity with your eyes wide open as to why you are doing it and what needs you're trying to fulfill.

LFA and Cult Thinking

I define "cult thinking" as gradually stripping away reason and logic by accepting an ever-increasing amount of truisms as reality. Eventually, reality is pushed aside by the person's fantasies about what they believe *should* be true.

Case in point: the tendency of some folks to make statements of an absolute nature, such as "women are superior to men," and then look for evidence to support such indefensible conclusions. In their quest for evidence to support their position, some pretty scary thought processes are engaged.

For example, I recently read one person use Mother Nature as support for her opinion that women are better than men. The person's concept of Mother Nature as a loving, nurturing, and caring entity was cited as absolute proof of womens' superiority.

Well, it should take very little time to realize the obvious - first, Mother Nature is not really a woman. Second, the writer took one facet of Mother Nature and excluded Mother Nature's other characteristics to prove her point. Sure, there are peaceful meadows where butterflies and bunnies frolic. But there is much violence and cruelty hidded behind the veil of the peaceful green meadow. Critters are ripping other critters to shreds as you read this. And if you're not a vegetarian, you eat critters daily that other folks have killed so you can survive. Not much nurturance there.

Also, remember the thousands made homeless by Hurricane Katrina, and even worse, the thousands upon thousands who died in the Dec. 2004 tsunamis that hit Asia and India. Better think again if you want to cite Mother Nature as concrete evidence of womens' superiority over men.

The Tragedy of Becoming A "Slave"

Nature's prime directives:

1. Survive, even in extreme enviroments where possible;

2. Procreate.

Corollary: Nature doesn't care whether you're happy about 1 or 2.

Sometimes the two directives are combined. Take the tragedy of female rape: despite the horror experienced psychologically by the woman as she is taken against her will, nature designed her body to have a positive response. This seemingly paradoxical reaction dates back to a much more primitive time where primate sex was simply taken by a dominant male. The female's resistance or non-responsiveness could have resulted in her death. Her automatic positive physical response ensured her survival and contributed to procreation. I'm not saying this is a good thing, only that this is how it is.

The male response to cuckolding is another paradox. Here we have a man who presumably loves and cherishes his wife and would do anything to defend her; yet, the fantasy of allowing other males have their way with her turns him on. Where does this come from? Is it a survival response congruent with nature's prime directives?

Going back to our early primate theory, dominant males ruled the reproductive roost. They had sex with whatever female they wanted, whenever they wanted. If you were a non-dominant male (a fact painfully reinforced on many occasions over time), you knew that fighting the dominant males over a female was futile. You could be severely injured or killed.

Also, unnecessary male fighting when females were in estrus would have taken valuable time away from copulating, which could have hindered reproduction. To ensure that nothing distracted dominant males from mating when females were in heat, non-dominant males were wired to experience sexual excitement at the prospect of watching their favorite females being taken by the dominant males. Additionally, in some primates, females will take mutilple partners during a mating session when they are in estrus, so perhaps the non-dominant male's sexual excitement response is another way of ensuring reproduction. Despite the non-dominant male's initial negative emotional response at the prospect of having a dominant male take his favorite female, the involuntary positive physical response contributes to survival and procreation.

Another part of the non-dominant male's experience could result from his willingness to provide ongoing care for the female and her offspring. The female needs the support of the non-dominant male to survive; yet, on another level, she may despise him for not being strong enough to protect her from the dominant male's sexual advances. She may show this displeasure by engaging in behavior that humiliates the non-dominant male, including spitting, hitting, or throwing feces at him.

In both cases, the females and non-dominant males act out their roles as designed by nature to survive and procreate.

Here is where the similarity between men and women ends, and the danger begins. Many women will confess to having exciting sexual fantasies of being "taken" by a strong male, but very few would actually seek such a real experience. Conversely, a segment of men seem to want to act out their fantasies of watching their females (wives) being taken by another male. In the fantasy of being taken, the woman retains the sense of control over the situation. In the fantasy of being cuckolded, the man has a sense that he also is controlling the action, even if he is having to "submit" as the event unfolds.

Danger comes from the willingness of some men to act out this fantasy. They may unrealistically expect their wives to have some hidden dominant trait and become disappointed when their wives don't live up to their fantasies; sadly, they may end the marriage looking for a more "dominant" woman, or drain the family finances going to pay-for-play dommes. Better for the man to realize that his fantasies simply trigger a prehistoric involuntary physical response best left to the privacy of his own bathroom.

Even more dangerous (and disconcerting) are men who actually allow themselves to become "enslaved" by a dominant female. Enslavement takes place over time as initial resistance is broken down step by step. Part of the brainwashing process of breaking down male resistance includes physical and psychological torture. Some men believe that overcoming their resistance to enslavement is a good thing and shows mental strength.

Get one thing straight: there is nothing positive about allowing oneself to become enslaved in an abusive relationship. The systematic breaking down of someone's will in order to make them "serve" another human and endure acts of humiliation is the dance of anger, not love. Furthermore, there is a paradox of allowing oneself to become someone's slave: the initial consent may have carried the hidden expectation of more frequent of sexual gratification, but many dominant females will not allow their slaves to have intercourse with them; indeed, part of the mental conditioning of the "slave" includes denying him orgasms for long periods of time. Ritual whippings and other physical torture may also occur.

The best thing a man can do is avoid starting down the road to enslavement by taking a clear look at what's driving his fantasies. By knowing that the mechanism of his response is biological and not the sign of some irresistable depravity that must be acted uponin order to be happy, he can more carefully choose safe situations to have non-vanilla sex with his wife by acting out play fantasies together. "Venus On Top" is a good book that will help couples explore the bounds of their relationship in a safe and sane way together. The key here is knowing when to say when by not forcing the other to do something they don't want to do.

If you are currently a slave in a relationship, recognize that you are actually in an abusive relationship and need help. You have allowed your will and sense of self-preservation to be broken down over a period of time. You have been subjected to techniques similar to brainwashing techniques used on POW's. Seek counseling and get to a safe place as soon as possible.

Introduction - Why Does LFA Turn Me On?

"There is nothing new under the sun. It has all been done before." Sir Arthur Conan Doyle,
A Study In Scarlet.


My friend recently introduced me to "Loving Female Authority" via the web.

Much of the material made me instantly horny. I began to fantasize that my wife and I were in an LFA relationship and that she was doing a lot of the stuff I read about: orgasm denial, milking, discipline - I even had some great fantasies about cuckolding. I voraciously consumed all D/s material I could find.

During the course of all this fantasizing, I found myself wondering why my I became so turned on at the thought of a woman completely dominating me, denying me sexual gratification, and even seeking other lovers. I enjoy introspection and trying to figure out what makes me "tick."

I was aware that any conclusions I drew were likely to be colored by traditional "male" thinking. I did my best to get beyond that, to get to the programming in my DNA. I wanted to discover why human males had evolved to endure (and even welcome) such treatment by a female.

I don't have all the answers. There are lots of reasons why people choose the LFA lifestyle. I drew some conclusions based on my own observations and experiences that others may find interesting, and perhaps even enlightening. Their main value may be to help those who are thinking about acting on their fantasies to take a step back and think carefully about what they want and why. Little, if any material I found on the web offered a non-positive view of LFA.

Let me say that I have no desire to criticize those who are enjoying LFA relationships; I do not intend to condemn the lifestyle. However, based on reasons that will be detailed later, I seriously question the context of the word "Loving" in the term "Loving Female Authority." I find it hard to see "love" in the systematic brainwashing of a human being, regardless of whether anyone appears to engage such treatment voluntarily.

As Sherlock Holmes said in A Study In Scarlet, "There is nothing new under the sun. It has all been done before." The origins of male submission to a dominant female are as old as time. Like any human behavior, one can choose for or against living the LFA life.